Like many people, I spent the majority of 2020 in my apartment. I was fortunate enough to keep both my health and job, but my world undeniably became smaller than ever before. With a long distance from my family, an already small friend circle, and most communities transitioning online, I found myself taking long walks in the neighborhood every night.

The more I know isn’t always the better

Normally, I don’t have a lot of fear of missing out on any trends. But when the pandemic hit, I became obsessed with the latest case updates. As I kept feeding on the news, in hopes of pressing down my scares, I felt more anxious and stressed out. I remember when I was walking on the street back in April 2020, even the air felt toxic.

2020 was also a year that I paid a lot of attention to politics, and I think it’s fair to say it’s a tumultuous year, regardless of one’s political standing. However, I was most shocked by the divisiveness in DC that’s splitting the country in half. With the constant news media propaganda from both sides, even friends and families were turned against each other. 

I had to turn off the news. It might sound a bit extreme, but these were extraordinary times. Not saying we should be stuffing our heads in the sand like ostriches, but there’s only so much negative information we could process each day. All this overwhelming and never-ending news did not lead to any constructive actions, only panic and paranoia. There were many little things that we could do, such as voting for our local government representatives and propositions, making a small donation to a COVID relief effort, or placing more takeout orders at neighborhood restaurants. These things might be little, but they could make an impact when multiplied. 

Can we be friends, digitally?

When disasters come, we usually flock to our close families or friends, the strongest link in our social ties. In the midst of the pandemic, my mother also fell ill. It was one of the worst things with an even worse timing. Strangely enough, even with the long distance, my family got closer over the phone calls after going through this ordeal. 

For a lot of people, the tighter bonds within the closed circle came with a sacrifice of the weaker links: our connections with the coworkers, distant friends and relatives, and all other acquaintances. They might not be the people that we couldn’t live without, but they could offer us a break from our daily routines and add a lot of flavors into our lives. A water-cooler conversation could lead to a new job opportunity, a community event could foster a new friendship, the list goes on. 

With all the apps and digital communities taking over, I haven’t had many meaningful encounters but a lot of frustration instead. I’m not against digital transformation. On the contrary, I’m pretty convinced it’s the future and any resistance will be futile. What I’m concerned about is when we will take it seriously so we can really start seeing the benefits of these digital platforms. Human connections are hard to cultivate and need a lot of maintenance. I speak from painful experience that each year, a few friends move out of my life because none of us would go through the trouble of catching up. Technology brings us the convenience and possibilities to instantly connect with one another, but it’s often misinterpreted as an abundance of options and fantasies based on carefully crafted digital profiles. Over time, we will realize that our relationships are being replaced by casual encounters with no commitment required.

Self-care for everyone 

Living solitarily means doing everything myself, and that includes the responsibility for my well-being. So I learned to take care of myself, especially my mental health.

I’ve tried to reflect on the past. Although each one’s experience is different, my younger self somehow always feels more kind and hopeful, be it naivety or ignorance. Every time I go though the movies or music I used to like, I learn a little bit more about myself. Sure, it sounds overly sentimental. But if channeling my younger self can make my present self stronger, I have no shame reminiscing the past.

I’ve learned that being alone in nature is very fulfilling. Studies show that simply looking at trees can reduce stress and lower blood pressure. Learning to appreciate the vastness of the skies and oceans makes our problems seem so insignificant. Even when walking in an empty field, I find my thoughts slowly laid out in front of me and become clearer. By immersing myself in nature, I’m not pulled away from society, I’m simply pulled closer to my true self. 

I’ve also re-evaluated my definition of success and happiness in life, tried to unload the burden of unnecessary worries and frustrations. By focusing more on the intrinsic rewards and genuine relationships, I’m left with fewer needs and wants and overall a more minimalistic lifestyle.

Now we’re in 2021, with most of us still living in some sort of lock down. I know all these problems won’t go away overnight and the solitude will have to continue, but I’m looking at the future with a bit more confidence. If I had to pick an animal, I’d say we should be like dogs: stay vigilant for intruders, but mostly focus on what we can and will do. Life can be as simple as food, naps, and walks.