My encounter with art was completely accidental. I was born in a traditional Chinese family with modest beginnings. None of my family members had an artistic profession, nor did they believe it’s a practical career. I never received any systematic education in art, besides a few elective classes in college. To me, art was only a concept and out of my reach. However, over the past few years, I have slowly embraced a new identity as a fine artist. And little by little, it has fundamentally changed me as a person and my view of life.

The missing link

Growing up, my parents valued academic success the utmost, but I never had the grades to impress. For a long time, I questioned my abilities to understand complex scientific concepts and thought maybe school just wasn’t for me. Between my family and school, I was also taught to be obedient, prudent, and frugal, so I would stay out of trouble. Though my teenage years were peaceful, I was mostly described as an average kid at best. And this mediocrity still haunts me to this day. It comes down to the lack of confidence and the unwillingness to take risks.

It may not sound like a big deal for a teenager, but it could become a personal growth barrier for someone in adulthood. Life rarely goes as we planned, and perseverance alone may not be enough. To break through a roadblock, we sometimes need to make bold and risky moves. And success might just come from the constant reinventing of ourselves. It took me a long time to adopt this way of thinking and recognize my potential. For some parts of me, I needed improvements. And for other parts, I needed a different mindset.

The alternative mindset

In my adolescent years, I was very introverted and would like to spend time in my own little world. I could never keep up with the trend, as I found it exhausting. Any conflict would stress me out. Instead of arguing with others, I usually kept my opinions to myself. It’s fair to say that I was socially awkward, close-minded, and even stubborn at times. However, these flaws had another side to them. Now looking back, I have always had my own opinions and never blindly followed any people or trends. 

I generally had very short attention spans but would pay attention to the smallest details. Like how strange the human ear seemed when looked at separately from the face, how my mother’s fingers would have those tiny and barely noticeable twitches when she was sleeping, or how my high school History teacher would chew on a piece of tea leaf when she finished her tea. I could also see through that thin veil of politeness when people tried to hide their true emotions. Being a little observant didn't make me judgmental. On the contrary, it made me more understanding.

I used to think these kinks and quirks were holding me back, but they were actually what made me unique. What eventually built up my confidence was accepting these uniquenesses and channeling the strengths that lied in them. After this change of mindset, I was finally ready to take on new challenges again.

The creative endeavor

Any creative profession isn't easy. For a self-taught artist who had a late start, going into fine art required my very best efforts and forced me to push myself in every direction. There was no more time to waste nor excuses to make. I needed to educate myself, which again fueled my interest in learning, as I went to libraries, art shows, and the Internet for knowledge. I became relentless, working harder than I ever had in school or at work. I was able to pick up the basic oil painting techniques in a few months. It made me realized that I wasn't bad at learning, I was just bad at institutional education with exams as the measurement of success. 

But skills alone didn’t make great art. As soon as I got a handle on a specific technique, I tended to produce a lot of repetitive results. It became clear to me that I was in urgent need of inspiration. I had to broaden my view across different styles, genres, and disciplines. It was difficult to get out of my comfort zone and go against my instincts at first, but it soon felt refreshing and liberating. One thing I loved about contemporary art was that it had no clear definition. The only rule to follow was probably to break all the rules out there.

As for fine art, it’s ultimately an inward journey, filled with self-exploration. I had to constantly face myself, with brutal honesty, to find an ounce of truth. To tune down the noise and distractions, I quite often found myself spending time alone in nature. But the biggest realization was recognizing the self, as both a powerful enemy and a strong ally. A reflection that would always give me the harshest criticism but also help me find what is most meaningfully mine.

The transformation

Since taking on this new role, I started noticing small changes in me day by day. With practice, I became more focused and patient when I was working towards a set goal. This came from committing to something I truly believed, and it took every spare moment of mine to think about making art.

Being an artist also made me inherently more curious, optimistic, and empathetic. These characteristics were both prerequisites and byproducts of becoming an artist. It started making sense to me when I realized that everything I experienced in life could be an inspiration for art. By utilizing all five senses, I was like a sponge, always trying to soak up my surroundings.

I used to find loneliness quite easily. When I was left alone or with people who didn't connect with me, I felt defeated. But being an artist helped me understand that being on my own is a normal part of life. And now when I’m alone, I can carry on with my day or let my mind rest. Either way, I still feel comfortable and have all my emotions in check.

I wandered into the art world during a stagnant phase of my life, and it lifted my spirit and reignited my passion for life. Becoming an artist forced me to realign my self-perception, improve on my weaknesses, and leverage my unique qualities. Over time, I see changes in myself and feel more fulfilled each day. Where it will take me next, I'm not sure. But I have grown more appreciation for what life can offer, from the greatest joys to the deepest struggles.